I know it’s been a long time but it’s never too late.

Its that time where I sling my bag over my shoulder, throw my headphones on to force out the clutter in my brain with the vibration from the bass, take a very familiar deep breath to remind myself that, I GOT THIS, exhale, open the door and I’m gone on my way home again.

I hate flying, its bittersweet, I always feel like it’s my last flight but the higher I get, the clearer the view of the thoughts flying around in my mind when I look out the window and get reminded the world is forever bigger than me.

(Wordplay on point lol)

Seriously, not seeing what the pilot sees makes me uneasy, its just one more thing in life that’s out of my hands and into a couple of strangers. NBD.

I love traveling though so it balances out I suppose.

I cant lie, I was lowkey stressing heavily – Thinking back when 12am hit again few weeks ago and I was sitting there playing music with a lot of whiskey to balance the racing thoughts that I chased down with OJ to numb that stinging bitterness that follows. I reflected on life, starting my business, the people I surrounded myself with, and how quickly lifes changed in the past year..

Theeeeen I took them shots as if I didnt have a flight in a few hours then.

Oh well. Point is,

Time came and went and only lasted for a little celebration I call my birthday but I felt something deeper weighing me down as I turned 27. Twenty fucking seven… Where the FUCK.. has time run off to now?

More importantly where am I headed next?

Who knows.

It’s been months since I’ve posted anything so here i go.

Since I spent more time being intune with my thoughts, my energy, reading (because a loaded mind is more dangerous than a loaded weapon) – and my overall self, since my frequency and spirituality seemed a bit divided while I tried to conquer lifes bullshit & blessings. I feel better. Mentally.

I’ve been busy in different states for work, so far this year I’ve spent months on the east coast ((which Is a sign I’ll probably be stationed on the east 1yr 10monthd from now)) – New Jersey, Virginia, Philly, DC, Baltimore and I’m leaving Kentucy in the AM to go to my little spot in Anaheim, California I call home that I’m hardly in. Makes me wonder why I’m paying rent sometimes because I feel like a stranger to my own space. Crazy.

Love is still forever elusive in my world, when it comes to dealing with people who’ve been in my life way too long with the same outcome & stories, it gets frustrating. I had to fall off that wave no matter how bad or tempting it was to stay on it – and get rid of some people I met, met again, fell off and on with too many times to count. BUT then I fucked around and downloaded dating apps – now I need to spend less time swiping right thinking somehow I’ll connect with the right ones at the tips of my thumbs & good intentions at 11pm.

Trying to block the part of my mind that thrives on mental connection is harder than it seems. The military life is a dope one but a hard and lonely life when everyone is more temporary than my own dreams it seems.

Busy, busy making sacrifices and making moves ((at least I like to tell myself im making moves when I feel like I’m at a standstill)) so much that It’s hard to get me on the line. Its refreshing to switch up, so I did. I picked up some hobbies to replace some habits. I needed to get outside more and since I like working out I added boxing again to my already crazy 2 workout sessions a day. Draining, yet satisfying.

I’m busy every other time though and most times I just look at the calls and texts coming through like ehhhh, I dont have time for the drama, if it’s not my mom or I get to see my daughter – I ignore it. My mom did tell me not to go overboard & now that’s finally starting to sink in. I get it.

I get it.

It’s funny, I still got problems with communication, and its ironic how I’m getting my degree in communication though when I noticed all of my thoughts cloud my judgement. I backtrack and second guess myself because I get my life is hard to relate to, so I hardly talk to anyone about it, or talk to people in general.

Problems of an introvert.

Or ambivert?

Whatever, I know myself because ive spent too much time by myself, another one of those factors that isnt any fault to anyone. Not depressed or going though anything major, its just a personal choice i made to let the past pass. Cant spend too much time – understanding time, or making time and just took the time to let my ego go which taught me how to let go of the many unnecessary things i held on to.

Maybe that is what happens when you dont trust yourself, trust your vision, or trust your heart and are too focused on the battle in your mind. Its something you cant ignore because you cant run from yourself forever, so I started pacing and noticed i was trying to do way too much and it became clear that it was time to just be a little more minimal. Stick to the plan, Talk a little less, get my money right, Take more time to get my head right.

Breathe.

Work will forever be just work and the stress that comes with it shouldnt dictate my life, My family or health.

Breathe. It’ll be what it’ll be.

To clarify this, life is all about pacing, i had a shift in energy, started working overtime just to start putting all that energy back into me. My focus is me and because of that I’m really in a great place. I don’t want to get too deep with this but I just like to share my journey every now and then..

Until next time.