The feeling of just letting go is something worth holding on to for a lifetime. I couldn’t pinpoint this feeling I’ve been having for a while now & now I think I get it; it’s just a feeling of being calm & at peace from letting go of anything or anyone trying to bring me out of “character” or just negative vibes in general.

Duces, invade someone else’s life with that headache, I got real shit to stress about… like my bank account (shoutout to cole)

I finally have had ample amount of time to myself, to view myself, accept my path / alter and change it as I go, save mula, buy unlimited amounts of snickerdoodle hot chocolate from Starbucks, and jokes aside really get the tools to build a new foundation for myself despite all the times life has brought me to my knees & just take life for the blessing that it is overall.

Some people call it growth. But it doesn’t stop;

& little by little you keep chipping away at it.. that’s progress right?

I mean if you can’t evolve in life you won’t get any further from where you currently are right??

Look, I did and still am doing the ultimate letting go when it comes to my fears, & what a fucking journey that has been, but the best so far was falling 13,000 ft, looking back at a clear sky & the perfectly good airplane I just fell from – viewing the world below me getting closer and closer, I was struggling to breathe, I was scared & smiling, hell, 13,000 ft with my life in a strangers hands? You can bet your ass I yelled like I had no home training, just floating in the moment (literally) – something hit me that I think we all tell ourselves but really i felt it;

I’ll be ok. God got me.

& that’s a pretty cool feeling to be sure about when you’ve been chilling at the lowest points of your life mentally.

On a side side note; Only I would pick a Sunday to have an urge to just say fuck it and adopt a dog, because every place is closed. I know all y’all weren’t praising god…

I’ve come to terms with my spontaneous impulses, & I love when I actually act on them. It’s deeper than that though, I crave interaction since I don’t have a relationship atm so a dog is the perfect substitute for the time being. Hopefully I can find a puppy so I can train it exactly how I want even though I have zero idea on how to train a dog lol point, don’t piss there, don’t jump on there and we’ll have a fantastic relationship lol, I crack myself up.

Last thing, I realized everyone’s in a good mood the closer it gets to Christmas, idk why nobody getting anything from me, not a single soul but my daughter deserves a thing. Okay, maybe one other person, but why am I in a bah humbug type of mood about ? Easy, because people try your patience time after time, walk over you etc etc and tend to mistake kindness as me forgetting every single thing ever done to me, cancers are petty souls and I’m the best at it, I got that patient pettiness, you know the one who can sit on something for years and then BAM! You thought I forgot type of patience. Haha.

I been running from relationships for so long that this time life won’t let me do it, especially since I been using the excuse “I’m still trying to find myself” line, knowing I want a soul mate but ima keep it on the low low can’t jinx this potential blessing I have come across. This is definitely different.

Y’all up in anime ? I just joined the Naruto fam, so ima get back to that just had to get this off my chest.

Until next time.

(2009 / Mac Miller) if you don’t know Or forgot I write to music.